As an associate4 considering starting a family, I wanted to understand the realities of balancing parenthood with a career in Big Law. After speaking with numerous colleagues who are parents, here’s what I learned:

The Struggle is Real

Many Big Law parents describe a constant tug-of-war between work and family obligations. One mother of two young children poignantly quoted Shonda Rhimes: “As a mother, if you are succeeding at work, you are failing at home, and if you’re succeeding at home, you are failing at work.” This sentiment was echoed by many, highlighting the difficulty of being fully present in both roles simultaneously.

Career Impact

Unfortunately, many parents—especially mothers—report that having children has negatively impacted their career trajectory. One associate shared that despite being told it was okay to set boundaries, she later received a poor review and no bonus due to low billable hours. The stark reality is that the demands of Big Law often clash with the desire to be an involved parent. Moreover, the lack of flexibility in work hours and the expectation of constant availability further exacerbate the situation.

Strategies for Survival

Despite the challenges, some parents have found strategies to make it work:

• Be Fully Present: When you’re with your kids, be 100% there. No emails, no phone calls—just quality time. This approach helps create meaningful memories and strengthens family bonds.
• Outsource Where Possible: Many use meal services, grocery delivery, and cleaning services to free up precious time. Delegating household tasks can significantly reduce stress and create more time for family activities.
• Utilize Parental Leave: Take all the leave you’re entitled to, and encourage male colleagues to do the same. Parental leave can provide crucial bonding time and support for both parents, promoting a more balanced division of labor at home.
• Consider Reduced Hours: Some find that an 80% schedule provides a more sustainable balance. Reduced hours can help manage workloads while still maintaining career progression.
• Prioritize Sleep: Sleep deprivation is a common struggle. Consider hiring night help if possible. Adequate rest is essential for maintaining productivity and overall well-being.
• Communicate with Your Partner: Honest discussions about dividing responsibilities are crucial. Open communication ensures that both partners are on the same page and can collaboratively tackle parenting challenges.
• Use Backup Care: Look into emergency childcare options for when regular arrangements fall through. Having reliable backup care can alleviate last-minute stress and ensure that work commitments are met.

The Hard Truth

Despite these strategies, many parents admit that being both fully involved in parenting and excelling in Big Law feels impossible without sacrificing sleep or personal time. Some have chosen to leave Big Law altogether, while others justify the long hours as providing financial stability for their families. The high-pressure environment and demanding schedules of Big Law often force parents to make difficult choices, prioritizing career success at the expense of personal and family time.

Looking Forward

There’s a growing push for more equitable parental leave policies and a recognition that firms need to better support working parents. However, change is slow, and for now, each family must find their own way to navigate these challenges. Some potential areas for improvement include:

• Flexible Work Arrangements: Implementing flexible work hours and remote work options can help parents balance their professional and personal responsibilities more effectively.
• Supportive Work Culture: Fostering a supportive work culture that values work-life balance and recognizes the challenges faced by working parents is crucial for long-term retention and employee satisfaction.
• Mentorship Programs: Establishing mentorship programs for working parents can provide guidance, support, and practical advice for navigating the demands of Big Law.

Conclusion

While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, being aware of the realities and potential strategies can help aspiring Big Law parents prepare for the road ahead. It’s a tough journey, but with careful planning, support, and sometimes difficult choices, it is possible to find a balance that works for you and your family. The key lies in recognizing and addressing the unique challenges faced by working parents and advocating for systemic changes that promote a more inclusive and supportive work environment.